Eko Encounters: Luv letter by Onitsha big boy (for the weekend) :)

I got this from my colleague Patrick Utomi and had me in stitches. When it is nice, you play it twice, they say. When it is hilarious, you share the laughs. Enjoy and happy weekend.

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Hello pretty Damusel,

 

I just wanted to let u know dat I hav joined the muvin people, Ndi na aga aga (the happuning guys). I am Aguiyi international! Importa & Exporta. I ownu plenty of shop inOnitshamain market. As u are luking at me, nne a dim very solid.

 

My containers come in 20s and 40s every weekly. I have over 40 boys in my training. Aguiyi is a bigi boy. I am a muver, I am a shaker. I yamu a man of timber & plywood. I yamu rich and by the special grace of God, I am the owner of the biggest & powerfulu boutique u can think of o. I employ one lady to managin it. I can call her wit my Etisalat phone, give her query with my MTN; fire her with my Glo and hire another manger with my Airtel. I wulu make you the CEO, President, and First lady of the conglomerate.

 

All the streets inChinaare right here in my head and all the Nigerian boys dat load market in there are under me. As I yamu speaking to you now, they are making plan to crown me Eze Ndi Igbo Nile of China and by the special grace of God, you will be Lolo Ndi Igbo Nile of China.

 

Nne, you look like egg yolk and for dat, I will kill any ochicha for u.

 

Nne, ego na esi isi na arum. I send money on errands. A dim ok!

 

Is it my fault dat I yamu a bigi boy? Is it my fault dat at my age, I have many boys under me? Is it my fault dat I have plans of making u d president of d biggest boutique inOnitsha?

 

I wulu repackage u Nne m and present u to the world, pretty damusel.

 

Nne m o! Oyoyo m, Egovin nwa! My yori yori! My africanQueen,Ashantim! Nwa akworo aka muo! Igbu go m.

 

In fact baby, take me.

 

Your loving faithfully,

Aguyi!!!