2012 Sikaman Awards

The eagerly anticipated awards is here! Below the initial set. You can add more categories and nominees! Happy reading 🙂

Contributors: Yvonne Amenuvor, Kofi Yankey, Linda Narh, Richard Billy Hanyabui, Maximus Ametorgoh, Ama Vanderpuye, Albert Ocran, Winfred Ofori, Francis Afoani, Charles MacCarthy, Kwame Gyan

1. Most publicized job: #TeamAyariga, aka Ayarigites, FOHAites and Ayarigated Squad. According to Qouphy Appiah-Obirinkorang, all opponents of this team are called Ayarifour. The close second position is occupied by Citizen Vigilantes.
2. The most Seetay Waa (aka False hope) Project of the Year: Nana Konadu’s inability to run for President. Closely followed by the much anticipated list of schools under trees which had been eliminated in the past four years.
3. The most anti-climax moment of the year: The inability of the NDP and Nana Konadu to contest the 2012 Presidential Elections.
4. The most consistent company: Electricity Company of Ghana (ECG). You could always count on them to disappoint. (They maintained it for the last 2 years). Jointly nominated: Ghana Broadcasting Corporation and MTN.
5. The most popular new word: This award is too competitive. But most of them have been provided by the man-of-the-moment, His Excellency Hassan Ayariga. Some of the words are Ayarisa, Ayarigate, Ayarified, Ayarigaism. My favourite is Ayarigaism, which is defined by my friend Felix Afeti as follows: “Using money to obtain a position that one cannot use performance to maintain.” Two words get the nod: Ayarigate and Gargantuan (introduced by Martin Amidu). Ayarigate is defined by the man himself as ‘when one man is able to make a whole nation laugh and smile in joy.’ Now, that is ‘whomor’!
6. The Most Difficult Item to Maintain: Streetlight
7. The Open Secret of the Year: Two joint winner, all linked to NDP and Nana Konadu: the formation of a new party, and the fact that Nana Konadu was going to contest (or attempt to contest) the 2012 Presidential Elections.
8. Political Multi-task Master of the Year: J J Rawlings. In 1992, he was the Flagbearer and ‘Founder’ of more than 2 political parties. 20 years later, he was the official ‘Founder’ of 2 political parties.
9. Dangerous Wish of the Year: “We can have many many Hassan Ayarigas.” ~ Hassan Ayariga in interview with Bola Ray on Joy FM. My response was “Please, one is enough, thank you very much.”
10. Wordsmith of the Year: Now up till third quarter of the year, it was Papa J, who gave us such exotic phrases like ‘Greedy bastards’, ‘Babies with Sharp Teeth’ and ‘Evil Dwarfs’. However, the Paul-a-w’aba-nt3m, HE Uncle Aya has been finished the year strongly with such additions as ‘Encouraging Salaries’, ‘Absorbable verses Avoidable Graduates’ and the now-famous ‘Yes, We Can’t’. It is a tie between Papa J and Ayariga, but worth of mention is one of the parliamentary candidates in Ablekuma (got to get the right constituency) who gave us the phrase ‘…in the governancy’.
11. The Most Fire-prone spots: Markets
12. Manure Mouth of the Year: This is a very close one between Kennedy Agyapong and Dr Tony Aidoo but Tony wins due to his ability to affect a broader spectrum: both politicians and non-politicians.
13. The Most Energy-Efficient Sportsman: Asamoah Gyan. He worked less to score more, and earned even more!
14. The Most Popular Foreign Service posting: Prof Atta Mills’ appointment as Ghana’s High Commissioner to Heaven. RIP, Prof, we still miss you.
15. NGO of the Year: PNC (maintained from last year, with even greater confusion!).
16. Critic of the Year: Michael Teye Nyaunu beat JJR to it this time.
17. Most listened-to politician: JJ Rawlings. Everyone listens to his speeches, even when some know they may not like what he says (maintained for 2 years). Ayariga is second.
18. Most Active Facebook MP: This is undoubtedly the self-acclaimed MP for Facebook South, Rodney Nkrumah-Boateng.
19. Most Active Facebook Page: This is subject to discussion, but in my estimation, it is the page of lawyer (Ace) Kojo Anan-Ankomah. Most of us got educated, entertained and tickled on his page.
20. Most Improved Politician: Dr Mahamadu Bawumia. I found him more confident on stage and in debates compared to last 4 years.
21. Most Consistent Government MP/Minister: Hon Haruna Iddrisu
22. The most silent politician: Dr. Edward Mahama (maintained the position over 2 years).
23. Product of the Year: Ayaricough
24. Head-master of the Year: Koku Anyidoho. Especially when he has a meeting with Senior Persons earlier in the day. Heads roll, s3 asa!
25. Most Misunderstood Acronym: IMANI. You don’t know whether they are NPP or NDC! Keep up the work, folks; we can’t all be in parties J
26. The most talked about commodity: Education. Should it be free, what does basic education mean, will Oxford accept the certificate from our educational system? Education everywhere. And it appeared that some public figures needed a top-up of it. Yes, you got it right. Education.
27. Political Divorce of the Year: Two joints winners – PPP from CPP and NDP from NDC. Interestingly in both cases, just one alphabet changed in their setups.
28. Most Generous Governmental Agency (also CSR Organization of the Year): GIPC. Donated to Peace Walks, Birthdays and other allied activities. Just ask. GIPC – Gradually Incinerating Public Cedis
29. Most Important Person: Dr Kwadwo Afari-Gyan.
30. Media Faux Pax of the Year: Citi FM, Joy FM and GhanaWeb announcing the death of the late former Vice President of Ghana, HE Alhaji Aliu Mahama, before he died.
31. Tourist of the Year: President John Mahama, on his ‘Thank You’ Tours after the death and burial of President Atta Mills.
32. Electronic Item of the Year: Tapes (Secretly Recorded versions were the hottest).
33. Religious Leader of the Year: Pastor Mensa Otabil
34. Paradox of the Year: Using the words of a man who allegedly has no integrity to give integrity to your cause. This gave birth to the phenomenon of Otabilism, which is defined as being at loggerheads with the earth yet eating in an earthen pot aka apotoyiwa. Example, “After chasing the bird for three days and failing to shoot it, the hunter said he didn’t care, afterall the bird was thin and ugly. What an otabilic statement!”
35. Tragedy of the Year: Achimota Melcom Shopping Mall Collapse. May the souls of the departed rest in peace and may their families find comfort.
36. Arrest of the Year: The arrest of Accra Metropolitan Authority (AMA) building inspector Christian Ababio on the orders of AMA boss and Accra Mayor Dr Alfred Oko Vanderpuje. The arrest took place at a news conference to launch a disaster fund for the victims of the Melcom disaster.
37. Look-Alike of the Year: Rick Ross’s twin in Ghana – Dr Oko Vanderpuje, aka Slangus Beardmus.
38. The most debated phrase: Free SHS (for those in the school of mosquitoes, it is free eich eitch ess for you).
39. Mathematical/Econometric Topic of the Year: Woyometrics
40. Most Popular Abbreviation of the Year: JM. Close contenders are SHS, GIPC and MTN (both the brand and the MP). According to Cyrus DeGraft-Johnson, GIPC also stands for Gifts Intended for Political Campaigns.
41. Sacking of the Year: The dismissal of the former Attorney-General Martin Amidu by President Mills in January 2012.
42. Campaigner of the Year: The one and only chief Citizen Vigilante, Martin Amidu, Esquire. He has been on a one-man campaign to get Woyome to return judgement debt he obtained.
43. Writer of the Year: Martin Amidu for his now famous epistles. You can find his epistles here: http://www.martinamidu.com/
44. Biggest Prank of the Year: Going to the court to obtain a ruling on Woyome judgement debt, then go ahead to pay ignoring the court’s three step approach, and then returning to court to get the payment returned, and then prosecuting the main actor for receiving the money you gave him J
45. Phrase of the Year: Judgement Debts. Nana Addo’s ‘All Die Be Die’ still remains fresh (won last year).
46. Phantom Elimination of the Year: Schools Under Trees
47. Quickest Makeover of the Year: Status change of ‘Schools Under Trees’. It works this way: there is a school building under a tree, so it is a ‘School Under a Tree’. Cut down the tree and the status of the school changes!
48. Quote of the Year: “It is not when you squeeze your face and look so strange and don’t smile that makes you a President.” – Hassan Ayariga
49. Renaming of the Year: Nana Osei Tuffour (formerly known as Otumfuo Nana Osei Tutu)
50. Comedian of the Year: Ayariga finally overtakes Funny Face!
51. Development Strategy of the Year: “I will develop Ghana from the circumference to the radius.” ~ Akwasi Addai (aka Odike), Presidential Candidate of the United Front Party (UFP)
52. Car Model of the Year: Hyundai i-10
53. Inspirer of the Year: Jointly won by a couple – Albert and Comfort Ocran. In 2012, Springboard became even bigger and more programs to teens, writers, entrepreneurs were rolled out by this amazing couple.
54. Political loss of the year: Dr Edward Mahama lost his bid for PNC flagbearership to little known Hassan Ayariga in February 2012. Ghanaweb’s report was captioned appropriately – “PNC Congress: Ayariga guns down Edward Mahama”. Aptly called the Mugabe of PNC, it was Dr Mahama’s fifth bid for the flagbearership. Little known Ayariga kept on shooting, having shot himself up to become one of the best-known names in Ghana!
55. Local Team of the year: Berekum Chelsea for their exploits in the CAF Champions League.
56. Bribery “Scandal” of the Year: Prophet Nkansah vrs. Electoral Commission (EC) Officials.
57. The most scarce product: LP gas (still reigning for three straight years).
58. Most rewarding career of the year: Being a member of any of the FMs (For Mahama Groups).
59. Most forgotten Prophet of the Year: Osofo Apraku, God’s beloved daughter (still missing in action).
60. “S3 Asa” Moment of the year: Final launching of GLO in Ghana, in April 2012
61. Most Absurd Group of the Year: Unemployed Graduates of Ghana (UGAG). What happens when their executives get employed? (They won last year). Closely in second position is the group supplied by my friend Kofi Larbi (Kola Nut): Pregnant Women For Mahama (PWFM). Kola asks, ‘What if they deliver before 7 December?’
62. Most Awkward and Embarrassing moment of the Year: The Chairman of GIPC saying he returned the GHC20,000 cheque to the organisation only for the former CEO to say it was actually GHC11,000 which was returned.
63. Most Romantic Laughter of the Year: [Editor’s Note: This is a honorary award this year, so lasty year’s winner was maintained in honor of the recipient.] President Mills’ laughter on Asempa FM, in response to the allegation that he had budgeted 90million GH cedis for his flagbearership campaign.
64. Toll Collectors of the Year: The Ghana Police Service (maintained from last year).
65. Synonym of the Year: Efforts to Get Mahama Elected = Peace March
66. Surprise of the Year: The death of President Atta Mills.
67. Cloth Design of the Year: S3 Asa (worn during the funeral of President Atta Mills)
68. The Most Dormant Group of the Year: CJA (too silent for an election year)
69. Stopped Cheque of the Year: GHC4000 GIPC cheque for VFM.
70. Health Policy Idea of the Year: AYARISA, to be introduced by HE Hassan Ayariga.
71. Political gaffe of the year: Elvis Afriyie Ankrah’s statement “NPP’s free SHS will collapse like the Melcom building” (at a time survivors and victims were still under the rubble).

“Open Letter To A Foot Soldier” from KSM…A Compelling Read

Hi Kumi,

KSM speaking on Springboard, your Virtual University

　

Ei, young man, it’s been a long time! How is life? I saw you on Multi TV yesterday addressing the youth wing of the party and something you said to them caught my attention.

　

You told them that victory for the party was to quote you: “Inevitable”. I thought that was not strategic and I will explain that later, but jolted me was that you actually went ahead to tell the youth of the party that if the results are not declared in favour of the party, there will be a Rwanda in Ghana.

　

My dear Kumi, are you serious? First of all my son, it is very dangerous for any foot soldier OF ANY party to plant the minds of the young enthusiastic followers, that victory is inevitable, but even more dangerous is to prepare their minds for violence if the election results do not favour them. Kumi, I call you my son, so son, let me be frank with you, what you said was immature and very infantile and can be very dangerous to the country.

　

As a young leader, you should understand the importance inspiring hope without planting seeds of agitation. As a young leader you should master the ability to ignite in them unconditional optimism. You should be able to get them to understand that win or lose, life must go on, win or lose challenges must be met, win or lose it is not the end of their lives. Your reference to a possible Rwanda in Ghana broke my heart.

　

My son, I was in Rwanda last year and I had a chance to visit their war memorial. Trust me, if I had enough money, I would sponsor all the foot soldiers to go to Rwanda just to visit the war memorial. It is a frightening sight to behold and it reveals the painful truth of how human beings can degenerate into the lowest state of inhumanity. It is a striking evidence of how cruel human being can be. The memorial is a huge museum containing hundreds of thousands of human skulls, and you could actually see the cracks in the skull from cutlasses and machetes, there were thousands of limbs and skeletal remains. These were the remains of all the people that were massacred in their conflict.

　

Kumi, my son, the fascinating thing about this war memorial is that the people of Rwanda, to date remember with fear and trepidation that horrific moment in their history. They have built that memorial as a constant reminder of the horror and revulsion of that moment in their history. It has been built as a monument to remind them that NEVER AGAIN should we do this to each other: NEVER AGAIN should we slaughter!

　

My son, you know what is sad and ironic? That the people of Rwanda who lived through this dreadful period in their lives have built a monument to say NEVER AGAIN! NEVER AGAIN!! They are saying NEVER AGAIN!!! Kumi, do you know why? Because they want to enjoy the KIND OF PEACE that we in Ghana have and take for granted. They desire to live in the kind of peace we have in Ghana that all of Africa envies. That is what the people of Rwanda strive for. That is why they are saying NEVER AGAIN to war.

　

The irony and tragedy Kumi is that our gallant foot soldiers like yourself are clamouring for the violence Rwanda is running away from, if your party does not get power. My goodness! Getting power at the expense of war?

　

When I heard you say that, I bowed my head in sorrow and my mind was filled with images of my trip to Rwanda war memorial and tears filled my eyes! I prayed for you, Kumi; you and all the foot soldiers. I prayed for you and said “Father forgive them for they know not what they are say. But therein lies the danger, Son. You may not know what you say, but those who are listening to you do not know that. And they are ready to fight.

　

Listen, son, I understand that as foot soldiers you owe your party a duty to inspire people to vote for the party. And I wish you all the best in that endeavour. But Kumi, Ghana is bigger than any party. Ghana was here before the party and Ghana will be here after the party, so at no point, I mean absolutely no point, should we sacrifice the peace of Ghana on the altar of the interest of any political party’s desire either to win or to stay in power.

　

It is better to live in a peaceful, tranquil country under a party I did not vote for than to live in a war-ridden chaotic country under a party I voted for.

For what shall it profit us, if we gain political power and preside over a war-torn country?

　

Here are a few pointers that I think will be helpful for all your foot soldiers:

Inspire your party members to focus on victory for the party, but while the focus is on victory, it is very important to let them know that anything can happen and that victory might slip and if it does, accept it and move on. It is not the end of the world.

Please do not mislead the youth into thinking that their success is tied solely to the electoral victory of the party. That is a lie.

Educate your youth to understand that regardless of what party is in power, the world does not stop and that their focus on personal development should be paramount.

Let your youth understand that politics is not a game of life and death. Elections are not a “do or die affair.” Trust me, those who call for death will never die from political violence. For your information, the general profile of those likely to be killed in political violence are most likely to be:

Young males aged between 18-26 years.

Chances are he is economically deprived

Will be coming from a slum or deprived environment

School dropout

Unemployed

5. Prepare the youth and challenge them to think analytically.

　

Now my three lessons for the top hierarchy of the party:

　

Your influence in the party is like the wind; your foot soldiers are like the grass. The grass will always bend in the direction of the wind: if you declare violence, your foot soldiers will oblige, if you declare peace, your foot soldiers will oblige. The power is in your hands. Use it wisely

It is important that leaders to stamp their authority through visibility to strengthen the hand of their supporters. A leader that is not visible weakens the hands of his supporters and risks opening the party to structural weaknesses

Your duty as a leader is not to strengthen and maintain your core base, your duty is to cut into the support base of your opponent as well as make yourself appealing to the floating and independent voters selling the benefits of your ideas to the electorate.

　

My final words, Kumi, are inspired by a Methodist hymn:

　

Land of our birth we pledge to thee, our love and our toil in the years to be, when we are grown and take our place as men and women of our dear nation….

　

Kumi, my son, by all means pledge your support to your party, but never forget, that whilst you work for your party, your love, your toil and passion, SHOULD BE FOR THE SURVIVAL AND SUSTENANCE OF THE PEACE OF YOUR COUNTRY.

　

GHANA FIRST!!!!!…. GOD BLESS YOU MY SON!

　

Love from,

Uncle KSM.

　

NB: This letter to an imaginary foot soldier was read by Kwaku Sintim-Misa (KSM) on the Nation Building Series on Springboard, Your Virtual University, on Sunday 10th June, 2012. You can listen to the entire broadcast at http://legacyandlegacy.com.gh/springboard-virtual-university/radio-playback.htm

Don’t They Feel Ashamed?

When our politicians visit abroad, don’t they feel ashamed when they see/experience the facilities that they fail to roll out for the benefit of their citizens back home?
When they visit museums abroad, the latest being President Mills’ visit to the Arlington memorial cemetery, don’t they feel ashamed knowing there is no proper museum in Ghana?
Don’t they feel ashamed when they see pothole-free, wide, good roads with properly functioning traffic lights?
Aren’t they ashamed when they see efficient and effective train and bus systems for metro mass transport?
Don’t they feel ashamed when our international airport looks like a bus terminal in another country?
Aren’t they ashamed at how illiterate our university students are, and how literate their elementary pupils are?
Don’t they feel ashamed when they experience uninterrupted power supply?
Don’t they feel ashamed when they see buildings and other structures properly planned?
Don’t they feel ashamed that their major contribution to education consists essentially of debates on the number of schools under trees before, during and after their respective terms of office?
Don’t they feel ashamed that jobless, hungry, party supporters follow them at rallies sometimes for pittance?
When they take their families to Disneyland, Disney World, and Great Adventures, don’t they feel ashamed they don’t have a single properly designed and built amusement park for our children?
Don’t they feel ashamed when they visit industries over there, knowing the raw materials that fuel them come from our own backyard at outrageously low prices because we fail to add value to them?
Don’t they feel ashamed when they are the ones that have studied and lived in West and yet allow indiscriminate deforestation in Ghana and yet wonder why we are experiencing climatic change? Don’t they know the ill-effects of poor drainage (annual floods and it’s attendant loss of life/property)?
Don’t they feel ashamed when they don’t see a single open drain or gutter?
Don’t they feel ashamed when they visit monuments named after prominent people in those countries and then return home to pass by a stinking Nkrumah Circle?
Don’t they feel ashamed that party foot soldiers are stake holders and hold developments to ransom, when they participate in party activities on invitation?
Don’t they feel ashamed when they are given accurate addresses (house number, block name, street name, geographic positioning) when they travel, yet they have to use gutters, kiosks, plantain sellers and children palying football to direct people to their homes in Ghana?
Don’t they feel ashamed when they go abroad and are able to travel between states easily with well planned rail and bus systems yet back home we don’t have a good enough system so we have to spend hours in traffic bringing down productive hours costing the country a great deal of production time and money?
Don’t they bow their heads in shame that leaders from more prosperous economies live on comparatively more modest budgets? And that some of their ministers go to work in public trains?
Don’t they feel ashamed that public health facilities are ‘jammed’ and in Korle Bu maternity especially most ceasarian operations are in QUEUE with priority given to ‘FIRST TIME BIRTHERS’ and patients have to carry own beddings to wards?
Don’t they feel ashamed when people who attend party rallies abroad are genuine card-carrying members whiles they bask in the glory of being cheered on by 5-Ghana-cedi-plus-free-party-T-shirt -hired crowds?
Don’t they feel ashamed when they superintendent over the deteriorating educational system in Ghana yet send their wards to schools abroad?
Don’t they feel ashamed when decent accommodation is a dream for millions in Ghana, yet is basic in the countries they travel to? (Even Cuba has better housing that Ghana)
Don’t they feel ashamed when a slight drizzle causes flooding at home, yet it rains heavier for days without flooding in other countries?
Don’t they feel ashamed that children who have to be in school or at home relaxing have to dangerously sell in traffic?
Don’t they feel ashamed of the lack of an effective emergency response system (causing avoidable deaths) when help is just a phone call away in those countries they visit?
Don’t they feel ashamed when the national anthem is sang in the nations they visit and everyone is on their feet with hands on chest/breast solemnly yet when they come back their own ministers don’t know the lines to our national anthem and folks especially the youth would rather be facebooking than singing the national anthem. Where did the nationalism Nkrumah and co fight for? Where is the nationalism Sergeant Adjetey and others die for?
Don’t our leaders have any shame?
Do they feel proud of what they see when they get back home after trips abroad?

[With contributions from Akwasi Yiadom, Abubakar Ibrahim, Jonathan Agyeman, Henrietta Hammond-Boadu, Francis Kennedy Ocloo, Efo Kwamiga, Kwame Gyan, Kojo Akoto Boateng, Fanny Awuye, Kola Nut]